Lady Gaga’s Fallen and She Can’t Get Up [ LOL ].

Andy Warhol was right, you know. snowy mop-top avante garde art prince once coyly predicted that “in the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.”  

It turned out to be an astute precognitive moment for Warhol, who shot to fame himself when he began immortalizing everyday objects like Campbell soup cans in vivid neon toned silkscreens during the 1960s. Andy had begun his career as a commercial artist [ he and I had that in common] but parlayed his growing NYC notoriety into a cult following that continues to this day, nearly 25 years later. Warhol died in 1987.

That future which Warhol predicted of meteoric rises and just as sudden crashing falls from FAME has been here for at least two or three decades. Each decade the amount of time the “suddenly famous” receive during their personal “fifteen minutes” drops a little bit, as the web accelerates the demand for every more bizarre and continuous news, and attention spans drop, along with IQ scores. In 2013 you are more likely to be famous for being a loudmouth toothless redneck who has his own reality TV show than you are for wearing a meat suit, or arriving at a huge media gala curled up inside an egg. Even Justin Beiber had a hard time with Lady Gagas’ “egg entrance” to the Grammys from 2010.

Lady Gaga’s fifteen minutes might finally be waning, although as wild as she is, probably not. She will come up with something soon to grab media headlines again.

But …. here’s a headline I saw this morning:

Is The Internet Tired of Lady Gaga?

OMG say it’s not true. What will we ever do without the meaningless surrealism of modern day Gagaland to throw darts at out of boredom? I’ve had a fabulous good time blogging about Lady Gaga’s witchcraft potion perfume, her “Great Whore of Bablyon award” [ I personally gave her that one ] her magazine photo shoot which showed her sitting in bed, nude from the waist up with her breasts converted to double rows of teats like a dog or cat.

Alas, even outrageously and suddenly acquired FAME does eventually fade, not unlike an old and sagging, outdated tattoo. What must it be like to BE this woman, trapped like an animal in a gilded cage that was built by her own lust for wealth, notoriety and FAME? You built this monster Gaga. Now you have to live in it. I see no safe exit in sight at this point. Even a public disembowelment won’t get you out of your diamond studded prison of worldwide FAME.


“The difference in the number of searches at this point, compared to the release of ‘The Fame Monster’ and the start of the tour, is staggering and a fall in popularity is evident,” AccuraCast’s report states. “Since May 2011 her popularity has fallen almost continuously each month and shows little sign of recovery.”

“Although people enjoyed Lady Gaga’s outrageous fashion sense during the early stages of her career,” the report continued, “it would appear that she began pushing the boundaries too far and this incident failed to greatly improve her Internet popularity. This theory is supported by the minimal increase in traffic when she chose to use the meat dress once again, in May 2012.”

There is no doubt who the Queen of Strange has been on the internet since around 2008 or early 2009. Ms. Gaga’s star of ever so public appallingness has bedazzled and inspired nausea at once. The mere thought that millions of little girls in America want to be just like her when they grow up makes me so physically sick I might need to run to the bathroom.

God save us from the future which approaches in another decade when there will be not one, but millions of newly hatched “little Lady Gagas” running amuck in America. This will truly be the culminating moment of Salvador Dali’s bent surrealist vision of the world come to life. One million melting clocks will walk by everywhere you look. Lady Gaga will by then be in her mid thirties, 36 to be exact, and the year will be 2023. She will have most likely entered politics by then, voted in by millions of militant Gaga-ites who are determined to send her all the way to the White House. That is, if we still have a White House, lol.

In the immediate here-and-now Ms. Gaga has recently taken a serious enough spill, unbeknownst to her concert tour staff, that she can no longer walk and will have to have a good old fashioned hip surgery, just like a little old lady.

Get well soon Lady Gaga. Your FAME might be fading, and lest that happen you need to quickly return to the stage and the internet tabloids, where you can spring up out of a 10 foot high pile of dog shit in the middle of the 2014 Oscars and take the world by storm for another fifteen minutes or so.

Isn’t she just adorable? Doesn’t she just belong front and center in “The Hunger Games” governing city in post holocaust Panem, where her attire would be considered completely normal for the day and age when teenagers are forced to fight to the death  for the entertainment of high society super-wealthy depraved elites? 

So there. I have done my part to make sure that the debauchery of the era of lady Gaga continues unabated. Enjoy.

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